If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
