If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
