It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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