I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
