Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
