my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
