she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
