Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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