so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
