I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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