At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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