Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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