I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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