Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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