it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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