So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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