can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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