Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
