So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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