Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize