saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize