dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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