He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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