why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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