My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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They have beer where we have blood.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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