Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
