cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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