Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
