why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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