I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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