She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
