$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
