Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
