The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
