Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
