he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
