i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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