There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
