so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
