you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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