I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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