i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
