try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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