he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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