why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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