WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
