He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
