toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
