Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
