i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
