I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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