Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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