he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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