I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
