thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
