jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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