if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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