Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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