Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
