it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
