His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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