She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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