Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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