I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
