Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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