and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
